Kevin Swanson, a screwball Christian minister from Colorado, says we shouldn’t revel in the American victory at this summer’s World Cup.
That’s because the U.S. women’s team is “the most pro-lesbian team in the world.”
“There’s a close association between this team and lesbianism,” he says in this radio broadcast. (The sound clip is just over three minutes long.)
Swanson says: “Those of us who stand against lesbianism and consider it to be a sin as presented in Scripture” should “perhaps take a stand against the team itself and what the team has accomplished.”
He was particularly distraught over “one of the lesbian players doing her lesbian thing with her lesbian whatever … as the crowd roared in appreciation.”
This may be a reference to Abby Wambach’s running over to the stands to kiss her spouse Sarah Huffman after the United States defeated Japan in the World Cup final.
Or maybe there was some other lesbian whatever going on somewhere else involving some other lesbian player doing her lesbian thing. Elsewhere in the sound clip, Swanson talks about “the celebration at the end with the little lesbian activity taking place there on the field.”
I’m sorry I missed that.
The pastor quotes Outsports, a gay website, as saying the U.S. team led the World Cup in lesbians, with four: Three players and coach Jill Ellis.
In fact, Outsports was wrong about that. Only two players (in addition to Ellis) have come out: Megan Rapinoe and Abby Wambach.
Outsports assumes, as many have, that Ali Krieger acknowledged being gay in this video, made last March with her brother:
But as I discussed in some detail in a post in April (by far the most popular entry ever on Finishers), that’s not quite true.
Krieger talks about finally being “totally confident, comfortable and free” regarding her sexuality, and about what a long, hard journey that’s been for her.
But she never says what her sexuality is.
She never uses the G-word. Or the L-word. She just says that she’s cool with who she is sexually.
As we all should be.
But back to Pastor Swanson.
He’s also worried about Harry Potter — more specifically, about what J.K. Rowling’s “homosexual” books have done to the minds of young people across the globe.
Dumbledore, he says, “emerged as a homosexual mentor for Harry Potter.”
And for letting our kids read this abominable filth, the pastor says, America must repent.
Now, even though this is out of character for me, I’d like to conclude, if I might, with a prayer:
Heavenly Father, as You know, I never ask You for anything.
That’s because I believe it would be a waste of time.
But who knows? I could be wrong. No one died and made me pope.
So if You’re listening, God, I do have one small request. Please consider it once You’ve taken care of all of Your more important work.
The next time You’re talking to Pastor Swanson — I’m sure he thinks You do it all the time — please tell him to shut the fuck up and mind his own goddamned business.
We ask this in your name.